Trashy Tuesday - 6/18/2013

Consider this - “You forget names.... But it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!”

Hey, how is it going with you today? I am reasonably well. Oh, this is Grandpa Bailey. Barney couldn't help me today because I am on a road trip of sorts. It had been over a year, I think since I was outside Linn County so I decided I would take a little trip. I am in Bloomington, Illinois today. 

 

Let me guess, you are wondering why Bloomington? Remember that movie series “Roots” a few years ago. I finally watched it and decided to follow my roots and here we are. I told the “boys” at men's breakfast that I was going grave robbing. Actually, I was finding where some ancestors have been residing since their death. I think a few of the geezers thought I was serious. 

 

Good news – I have successfully brought the downstairs toilet back on line. I finally found the $2.00 gasket at Ace Hardware across town. It was one of my last hopes. The big box stores didn't even come close. Thank you for the standing ovation. I couldn't have done it without your continued support. My current wife is in a better mood since that bathroom is close to the laundry room. She won't have to sprint upstairs any more.

Bad news – Ground squirrels/chipmunks are back. Do you have problems with them? How do you get rid of them or do you just cope? They get up in the cardinals feeder and have a gay ole time. They can go through a feeder full in a day. I set up a trap for them. I had them except for one thing. They didn't weight enough to trip the darn thing. So they waltzed into the trap, ate and waltzed out. I was able to catch a rabbit though. Boy, he was not a happy camper. I was going to give him a treat when I let him out but he was 2 houses over before I could get it out of my pocket. The joys of home-ownership. I want a condo.

Here is a teaser to get your eyes and mind going.

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed.
On your right side is a sharp drop off.
And on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you.
Directly in front of you is another galloping horse but your horse is unable to overtake it.
Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.
Question:

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Answer: At the end. No cheating.

The place I am staying at is nice, not great, just nice. They have the proverbial “Continental Breakfast”. I went down and think I will have to stop at Bob Evans when I get out and about. I have had a couple cups of their “Bold” coffee brew. Not on a par with fresh ground French Roast mind you but it does seem to have some caffeine. I was pretty sluggish before I threw those down. Are you ever amazed at just how bad food can be? I know when it is “free” or “included”, my expectations go down a few notches but this was seriously bad. Take for example the sausage patty. I am pretty certain that this only had “sausage essence” spray on it. I don't think it had one iota of real meat in it. The breakfast potatoes were warmed up from last week. I will say that the fruit was seemingly fresh and had a decent taste. This was one of those places where you make your own waffle. I am on vacation; I don't make my own waffles. Sorry. Mainly because I don't want to clean up the mess I make when I flip it over. I always flip too soon it seems and waffle batter flies everywhere. Kind of embarrassing don't you think? Especially, when you are trying to be cool wearing the flip flops, under armour moisture wicking shirts and shorts. I mean I can't let things like that happen. At home, no problem.

Charles, not his real name, has been badgering me wondering if there would be a blog this week. I can assure you Charles; if you call this a blog, then there will be one. I am missing Men's Breakfast this week. I understand that in my absence they are having an “all you can eat” egg buffet. Great get it out of your system guys. An egg will not touch my lips – knowingly.

I am not certain how my editing staff will handle this issue. We have not done this with this much distance between us. I am going to cut this a bit short today just because of that. If you get it, hurrah. If not, sorry about that. By now, if I am reading you correctly, you are wishing that darn pug Barney was back writing this. Maybe another time. Well as the cute dolly and 2 old ladies on Hysteria Lane say – Mogen David wine never tasted so good! 

 

Answer to the Question above: "Get your drunk rear off the merry-go-round!"

 

Until we meet again – TA!