Trashy Tuesday - 6/25/2013

Consider this - “You sleep better on a recliner chair with a book than in bed. It's called “pre-sleep”.

Hi folks. How are you doing today? No, I really don't want to know it was just a greeting. Have you ever taken 5 minutes to actually answer that question when you meet someone you know. That question is a commonly used greeting. No one expects an actual answer beyond one or two words. I have tried this a few times and the reactions are interesting. Imagine this. At work I am walking into the office in the morning; a co-worker we will call John approaches. He has a smile and out of his mouth comes “Hey, How's it going?”. Expecting the standard reply of “fine” or “great”, I cross him up by moving in front of him forcing him to stop walking. Then I begin - “Well, I am glad you asked. I was up all night pumping water out of the basement. Then I rushed here to work and a jerk ran a red light and t-boned me. Oh, almost forgot, took the current wife to the hospital yesterday...........” Well, you get the idea. While I am doing this, John is seemingly caring about what I am saying initially, he then begins to show signs of nervousness. Next, he looks side to side for a coworker to bail him out. Now comes the look at the watch. He interrupts you finally claiming he is later for a meeting or something. You part ways amicably. John has just learned a lesson. You can probably guess what he learned. Try it sometime. It is a hoot.

Someone made me aware of that so-called “rednecks” have a much lower stress rate. I had no idea. The reason apparently it is because they do not understand the seriousness of most medical terminology. Here are a few examples they cited:

Medical Term		Redneck Definition	Medical Term		Redneck Definition
Artery	-	The study of paintings	Medical Staff	-	A Doctor's cane
Bacteria	-	Back door to cafeteria	Morbid	-	A higher offer
Barium	-	What doctors do when patients die	Nitrates	-	Rates of Pay for Working at Night, Normally more money than Days
Benign	-	What you be, after you be eight	Node	-	I knew it
Caesarean Section	-	A neighborhood in Rome	Outpatient	-	A person who has fainted
Cat scan	-	Searching for Kitty	Pelvis	-	Second cousin to Elvis
Cauterize	-	Made eye contact with her	Post Operative	-	A letter carrier
Colic	-	A sheep dog	Recovery Room	-	Place to do upholstery
Coma	-	A punctuation mark	Rectum	-	Nearly killed him
Dilate	-	To live long	Secretion	-	Hiding something
Enema	-	Not a friend	Seizure	-	Roman Emperor
Fester	-	Quicker than someone else	Tablet	-	A small table
Fibula	-	A small lie	Terminal Illness	-	Getting sick at the airport
Impotent	-	Distinguished, well known	Tumor	-	One plus one more
Labor Pain	-	Getting hurt at work	Urine	-	Opposite of you're out

Some of you know that the “girls” (Jenny, Debby, & the current wife) + Sven made a weekend trip to Denver to attend a cousins wedding at Coors Field. By all accounts, they had a very good time. That is great. I remained behind. I was the designated dog sitter at the spa. The first 2 days I had my hands full. It took them that long to realize that they didn't have to follow me everywhere I went. The weather was awful with heavy rain off and on so that limited their outdoor play time. I have an injured knee so taking them for a walk was not in the cards. I finally got just about all of their energy drained out of them. On Sunday and Monday, they pretty much just crashed. I was finally able to crash also then. Remarkably, my “honey do” list was very short so I got to do about everything I wanted to do. Problem – I didn't have enough energy to do anything. All in all – a pretty boring weekend.

Did I mention it rained? I don't even know how much we had. All I know is that each rain comes straight down and hard. How are all of you getting along? Has the weather had an impact on your summer? Seems like we are seeing weather extremes all across the country.

We have gotten hostas from daughter Debby the last couple of years. She has quite a few and they grow like crazy. Last summer, we got a bunch from her, planted them although we could have been quicker in getting them in the ground. They died. We watered and watered them to get them through the drought. Not a one survived. OK, we get a new batch from her again. This time we planted them timely, we even made the holes extra-large and filled with a special combination of soil, peat moss and stuff. Prime growing medium. Guess what, one has definitely survived; 3 or 4 are 50/50; and 3 are DOA. What the heck is going on? Never had so much trouble getting something to grow in my life. Am I missing a step here? All suggestions are welcome.

Yikes, I have over stayed my welcome. My editor is chomping at the bit for me to get this done. I will say goodbye for this week. BTW – in case you had trouble figuring out what John learned here is the answer. John learned 2 things actually. First, he realized that maybe that greeting needs to be replaced by simply “Hi” or “Good Morning”. Secondly, he realized just how nuts I am and all the rumors in the office must really be true.

Until we meet again – TA!