Trashy Tuesday - 3/26/2013

A WISH TO LIVE FOREVER
I met a fairy who said she would grant me one wish.
Immediately I said, "I want to live forever."
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant eternal life."
"OK," I said, "Then, I want to die after Congress gets its head out of its ass!"
The fairy replied, "You crafty bastard."

Well, Good morning Drivelers. Did you miss me? Probably not. I missed last week because I was really busy. Last Tuesday marked our entry into the world of satellite TV thanks to the inspiration of Debby, the younger. It is pretty cool and we are going to save money at the same time. It also gives us an opportunity to reinforce our belief that our minds are failing. It will take weeks to learn all of the features of this system. It has more channels than you can shake a stick at. I looked through the list of channels trying to find my favorites. They are scattered all over the place. Like 382 is the animal planet. There must be 7 million movie channels. Oh my! What really impressed me was the DIRECTV is so inclusive that they even carry the GOD network. Who knew? He is everywhere.

Today marks my 44th anniversary of sorts. I was discharged from the Air Force on March 26, 1969 immediately after my year in Vietnam. Don't know why I think that is important except as I watched the Amazing Race a week ago last Sunday, they had a clue station in front of a US bomber that had been shot down in Hanoi, Vietnam. There was also an anti-American song after that. I immediately flashed back to how we were treated when we got home. I was sad and mad these idiots were so flagrantly disrespectful to all of the soldiers who served, got wounded or died for a war they didn't necessarily believe in but served because it was their duty.. Evidently, I wasn't the only one. This past Sunday CBS ran a 2 screen apology which was something. Not sure it was enough. Have really strong emotions over the whole thing.

On another front, I fired off some comments to a couple of council members last week. Our mayor made a statement that basically told residents on the west side of the river that they were on their own when it comes to ice dams. Flooding and etc. I just had to rant again. Not certain it does any good thought. Things will most likely not change.

I haven't been to the gym in over a week because of the aforementioned busy schedule. I have wondered how our exercise buddies have survived without a Drivel over Coffee for a week. So for our Sneakers buddies here are a few short thoughts I ran across. I only found these because I am under tall. Enjoy!

• “Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” - George Carlin.
• “You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.” - Ellen DeGeneres
• “I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.” - Carol Leifer
• “The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.” - Jackie Gleason.

• I went into McDonald's yesterday and said, “I'd like some fries.” The girl at the counter said, “Would you like some fries with that?” - Jay Leno.
• “I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” - Dave Edison.
• “Suppose you were an idiot.... And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.” - Mark Twain.
• “If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.” - George Gobel.

Enjoy my sneaker's friends. These were just for you.

Our men's breakfast church group met last Wednesday. It was pretty cool. We had a presentation by a couple of SWAT team members. They explained how the team assigns different tasks to members many of which you wouldn't even think of. They even have a paramedic as part of the team. They brought in an assortment of equipment they use. I gravitated to the assault weapons. They were really cool. The thing that impressed me the most was the fact that these guys were around 170 lbs. When they have all their gear on, they weigh about 225 lbs. Can you imagine? The shield they carry on one arm is difficult for Fluffy to carry with two hands. I was totally impressed with these dudes.

Naturally, after the presentation was over we sat around chatting. We soon fixed all of the world's problems and moved onto discussing how the world is full of idiots. Yes, idiots! Fluffy led off telling about the 22 year old man arrested at an airport hotel after he tried to pass 2 counterfeit $16.00 bills. Lee, our heating guy, told about a Swedish business consultant ULF af Trolle who labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250 page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder. Oops! I proffered the report of a man in Johannesburg, South Africa shot his 49 year old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each others head. Reportedly, they had already consumed over a case of beer when the accident happened. Duh! 

 

Charles, not his real name, chimed in with a story of a bank robbery in San Francisco. He swears its true. It seems a man want to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote “This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his not to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he was not the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stick up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said “OK” and left. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police who arrest the man a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America. Complete Idiot? I think so.

Time is slipping away. I think I have spent enough effort on the quirkiness of idiots and being stupid for one day. From one dull knife to another, have a great say. (Oops, darn auto-correct. S/b Day). Until spring finds us once again, TA!