Good Morning Everyone. Has anyone noticed the weather? It has been rather warm here in the heartland. Not that we aren’t used to some hot weather, but it has been hot for what seems like months. It is stressing everything; plants, trees, flowers, crops, lawns, pets, roadways, and people. I have heard that it is so hot that birds are using potholders to pull worms from the ground. I have been calling Mother Nature for a week or so just to find out what we did to upset her so much. So far my calls just go to voice mail. She must really be angry.
In lieu of Trashy news, I plan on taking a look at my world and what I am doing to it. On Sunday, I let Fluffy run the video portion of the presentation supporting church services. We had a learning session on Saturday. Then on Sunday I let him run the whole thing with me watching over his shoulder. He did amazingly well for which I am extremely happy because this will allow me to take a Sunday off once in a while. I need the break. The service didn’t go without a hitch though. 10 minutes before the start, the Pastor informed us that there was a change to the first hymn. Egad, into panic update mode, Robin. I took the helm and was able to replace the hymn in the nick of time. Whew! When the Pastor got to the Children’s Sermon, his wireless mike stopped working. Panic mode again, Robin. Actually, Fluffy took charge, raced up to the podium to discover a mike that was dangling near the floor where it should not have been. Fluffy hooked it back up to the Pastor and away we went. Next, that was special music. Despite having practiced before the service with our hand held mike, the mike volume floated up and down during his performance. Now, what the heck is that? No panic here, just weather through the storm. His second performance was great and the mike did not flutter like before. What’s up with that? Fluffy (Robin) and I settled into our bat cave finally for the rest of the service. We were cozing midway through the service, when I leaned over to Fluffy and asked in a hushed voice, “If he had ever noticed that no one listens until you fart.” He smiled and gave me two thumbs up.
Jenny, the elder, survived the 5K Warrior Dash west of Des Moines on Saturday. All in all, she and her friends did a really good job. There were over 7600 registrants. Yep, a big group. They all finished in the upper 1/3rd which is great for the first time. This event was run in Iowa for the very first time. Probably won’t be the last. Jenny did sprain an ankle on the fourth obstacle (12 total) but still logged a pretty darn good time. Congrats to all who entered and survived.
You know you live in an Upside-down Land if... You can get arrested for expired tags on your car but not for being in the country illegally.
Word of the Week – COZE.
Grandpa Bailey’s Doggie Fitness Center and Spa has really been quiet this past week. Matter of fact, it has been barren. My regulars are staying home because of the heat which I don’t blame them in the least. Heather and I have just been cleaning up equipment and doing busy work. Oh, Heather? She is in high school and is helping me through the summer. She is an excellent worker and really needed the money. It seems that Lady Godiva had a child some years ago. You remember Lady Godiva don’t you? She was the one who had the escort service and massage studio next door for a brief time before being arrested and sent to jail. She really did give a good message. Anyway, now that Lady is in the slammer for an extended number of years, I thought it would only be right to lend a hand to Heather. Like I said, “Heather is not at all like her mother.” She is quiet, loves the dogs and is a hard worker. I have been able to keep from dwelling on the piercings and tats that cover most of her body. She lives with an aunt who is rumored to be a lot like Heather’s mother. My effort may be too little too late but at least I am trying.
Billie Bob stopped by to clean the French Doggie Bidet yesterday, thank god. The holding tank was getting, how shall we say? – rank! Billie normally stops by once a month to do his sewer sucking service but because of his wedding to Yvette, big blue eyed blonde, his schedule got all whacked out. He said that Yvette has taken an interest in his sewer sucking business. Really sorry to hear that. Yvette had the world at her feet before Billie, now it seems she only has a septic tank at her feet. As is the norm after Billie left, Heather and I had to get down on our hands and knees and scrub the floor where his sewer sucking hose laid. Billie isn’t the cleanest business man around that is for sure.
This just in: National Whatever Day listing just released for this next week. Here it is.
July 18 – National Caviar Day
July 19 – National Raspberry Cake Day
July 20 – Moon Day
Ugly Truck Day
July 21 – National Junk Food Day
July 22 – Hammock Day
National Hot Dog Day
Ratcatchers Day
July 23 – Vanilla Ice Cream Day
July 24 – Amelia Earhart Day
Cousins Day
As you can see, we have a great week ahead of us. Let me know if you have special plans for any of these days. I am looking at July 22. Hammock Day coupled with Hot Dogs sounds like a really good time to me. I will move the hammock into the family room under the ceiling fan. I’ll have my concubine keep me filled with Hot Dogs. Wait, my concubine will be out of town. Kinnick, will you help me? I may have to muzzle Kinnick because I have a feeling the hog dogs would not get to me. He just isn’t very disciplined when it comes to food. With regards to “Ratcatchers” I am not certain how to honor that day anyone have ideas?
I finally got out of Linn County last week. I made it all the way to Johnson County (Iowa City). In a weak moment, I agreed to accompany my current wife, Sue, and a couple of her girly friends. They were going to the new Costco’s, and a college girl’s prime time league basketball game. A stop at the New Pioneer Coop was dangled as an added enticement. You see I had run out of my favorite French Roast that I get at the Coop. I agreed to join them. I was unimpressed with Costco’s, got my coffee, survived a quick stop at the Hobby Lobby, got a quick sandwich and settled in to try to endure these 2 women’s scrimmage games. One of the friends offered to fill me in on the rules of the game and etc. I managed to keep her busy most of the night. During the ride home, I decided that I didn’t need to see anymore women’s basketball for my five or six years. Yes, it was that exciting for me. My current wife is waving a finger at her watch so it must be time to close this beast. By the way, why is it we point to our watch to ask for the time but not at our rear end to ask for the bathroom? Our word of the week, coze, is defined as “To converse in a friendly manner.” but you already knew that. In closing, Kinnick is having a teeth cleaning and some minor surgery today so keep him in you puppy thoughts. Until we meet again – you guessed it – TA!
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