Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. -Carl Jung, psychiatrist (1875-1961)
Good Hot Morning Drivellers! Didn’t know you were a Driveller? Well, you can add that to your resume.
First off today I want to share a letter that I sent to Mother Nature. You may be aware that we are having a very dry year here in the Heartland. I decided I just needed to talk with her and try to find out what gives. Here goes:
Dear Mom (oops, I mean Mother Nature),
It has been quite a while since I sent you a letter. For that I apologize in the most sincere way. It merely was an oversight by an old baby-boomer geezer. A lot has happened since we last communicated. We have had floods, tornados, snow storms, hail, high winds, and no rain and so on. Now I understand that you go get a little, let’s say agitated, when I don’t visit with you. I might suggest that you may be over-reacting just a titch.
Sure, I went to Arkansas for a few days missing a Hawkeye Football game and I did go to Branson for a couple of weeks. Yes, we visited with friends who lived in the Joplin area but to through a devastating tornado at Joplin just wasn’t called for. Look at the devastation you inflicted on those innocent people. What about the flood of ’08? What’s up with that? Again you over react. Hey, communication is a two way street. If you wanted to visit with me, you could find a less dramatic method to get my attention other than a flood for crying out loud. Yes, I know that is water over the dam and in at least one case, you took the dam also. What about Parkersburg and communities? I have never been in that area so you surely weren’t going after me. What’s that? Oh, you made a mistake! A Mistake! Wow, Mom, when you make a mistake it is a doozy. I mean you destroyed a town and killed people. I’m sorry but “My Bad” doesn’t cut it.
So here we are in 2012, Mother and what are you doing to us? For crying out loud. You have spread your anger with me across the entire country. This just has to stop – and I mean right now. It is no longer funny about the drought spreading through the middle of the country or the continuously hot weather scorching 2/3’s of the country. I’m telling you – back off. Hit me with lightening if you want but just leave the rest of the people along. Good Grief! Yes, I apologize for calling you out in ’05 a time or two. And yes I am sorry for calling you “Over the Hill Mother” and “Old Gray Hair” and I definitely was over the line saying you had gotten your shorts in a bunch. To use your words – “My Bad”.
Thanks for letting me opine, Mother. I am truly sorry for my slights and will try to refrain in the future plus I promise to be in touch once a quarter. Okay?
Sincerely with lots of love,
Doyce
No response from Mother yet. I am hoping she calms down soon for everyone’s sake.
On another note, I made a daily trip to the grocery store last week to pick up a couple of things. You know, it seems we spend a lot of time and money there for 2 people. Sorry, off topic. I gather the 2 items I needed and proceed directly to the express line. The line had 4 people in it. The first 2 were elderly women, then a guy with beer and me. The first lady had to write a check which took forever… but that is cool. The next lady had 2 boxes of a dozen eggs. She presented a coupon to the clerk for the eggs. The clerk politely explained that the sale price was available only with a minimum of $20.00 worth of groceries. OMG, this little old lady went off on the clerk. The clerk is backing away from the counter as far as possible. The lady continues to rant demanding to see the manager, the clerk is cowering and nodding her head, mumbling and grabbing for the intercom. Just then another express line opened, I sprinted to it, got checked out in a timely fashion and left the store with the little old lady still arguing. How that came out I don’t know but I was glad to be free of it. Oh by the way, the guy with the case of beer. He was still standing there and was already on his fourth can the last I saw.
Word of the Week- larruping
My dirt moving is ALL done and most of my outdoor work has been completed. At least the stuff I can do myself. Oh, there are a few odds and ends but for the most part I am done so it will be back to the gym and my workouts. Moving dirt seemed to be enough cardio each day. I have a company that is putting a chain link fence in one of these days and another outfit handling my water run-off and finishing between my house and the neighbors. All I have to do is watch. Can’t wait to see the bud’s at the gym – I hope they still remember me. The Bailey household is settling down to a more normal condition. Kinnick with his stitches is gone now. He was really happy to get out of here. Not so sure about the current wife. She has returned from the Synod school. Don’t know if she was excited to be back or not. I think she enjoyed her own bed for sure though. It is always exciting to leave but is better to get back home, so I am told.
Have you noticed that dogs do the craziest things? Yes, we all have noticed that. Well, Kinnick started barking at his food and food bowl. He acted as though the bowl was haunted or possessed or something. He would stick his nose about 3 inches from it, back up and give the bowl a good deep woof or three. He looked very annoyed. After about 5 minutes of this, he seemed to suck up his courage, charge the bowl and eat his food. I don’t know if this was an exorcism or what. I tried hand feeding him without incident. I poured the food on the floor – no problem. Just don’t get it.
National Whatever Day
Aug 1 National Raspberry Cream Pie Day
Yorkshire Day
Aug. 2 National Ice Cream Sandwich Day
Aug. 3 National Watermelon Day
Aug 4 Coast Guard Day
Aug. 5 International Beer Day
Work Like A Dog Day
Aug. 6 Wiggle Your Toes Day
Aug. 7 National Lighthouse Day
Killer Wasps. Yes, killer wasps, do you have them? Know what they are? These are about 2 inch long wasps that are docile for the most part but are really annoying. This time of year they are swarming around to find good locations for nests. They dig their nest into the soil, lay their eggs and populate this nest with a couple of dead cicadas. These wasps are the equivalent of a C130 cargo plane. They are huge. They hunt the cicadas, kill them and then put them between their legs and fly the cicadas to the next. They are quite a sight. Like I said, they really won’t hurt you but they dig these nests and leave mounds of dirt and they are annoying. Apparently, they don’t die easily either. One of my neighbors tried a tennis racket. I have tried wasp spray but with limited success. If you can hit them, it will knock them down but won’t kill them unless you spray a whole can of stuff on them and then I think they drown. Some put bleach down the hole. I guess it works, don’t know for sure. It has not been a huge deal this year because it has been so hot; I don’t go outside unless I absolutely have to. Should have mentioned those to Mother Nature.
My current wife says I need to get this wrapped up. Her wish is my command. The larruping French Roast is all gone now anyway. Before I leave our “word of the week” means “excellent”. Until next we meet from my home on Hysteria Lane – TA!
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