Trashy Tuesday - It Never Ends or Will It!

Hi, how are you today?  You are looking remarkably well for your age.  Wish I could say the same.  I was rudely jolted into reality this morning when my alarm woke me up at 6:00 am.  Some dude was babbling about the weather or some nonsense.  Shortly upon regaining consciousness and getting the French Roast brewing, I realized that my usual morning routine must be altered because of my late start.  Now my whole morning is askew.  I don't adjust well early in the morning I guess.  Will "Trashy Tuesday" never end?  This winter being so mild has not created the chaos I had expected with the trash.  I fully expected an all-out war with the Garbage Gestapo but it has not manifested itself.  Maybe the Gestapo is plotting some new maneuvers for the spring.  Maybe they are just lying low, making plans for December 22, 2012.  Reportedly the end of the world will occur on December 21st in case you haven't heard.  I have started stocking up on things I will need when doomsday happens.  I am starting early because as we get closer, the shelves will become barren.

So much has happened since my last blog.  I was sitting here in the computer room the other day.  I happened to look out the window just in time to see a black poodle, off leash, squatting in my front yard doing a nice #2.  I contemplated picking it up and returning it to the owner but chickened out.  Yesterday I noticed a little white and brown dog in my backyard which is enclosed.  As I took a second look he was not in my yard but in the neighbor's yard playing with their two big dogs, one of which just happens to be Max's girlfriend.  I haven't told Max yet because I didn't want to upset him.  I will let those two dogs work out any problems themselves.  Fortunately, MS next door retrieved the poor thing.

Our Second Sunday Service Luncheon was interesting as usual.  It seems as though M, the singer, issued an edict in which I am not permitted to ever repeat "he listens as she yells". Fluffy, the sound guy and husband to M, the singer, then related how M, the singer, refilled her weekly medicine plastic case.  Midway through the week it was discovered that she had been taking one of the dog's pills by mistake.  That revelation brought a round of chuckles and a glare from M, the singer.  I asked if she ever "woofs".  I cannot repeat the answer in mixed company.  JA, the smiley one and his wife JA, the secretarial sort, seemed to be bickering a little about food choices, just what the Smiley One can and cannot eat.  It was nice to see one of our ex-members and current council member at the restaurant.  He chatted and waved at everyone.  Is this an election year for the city council?  I had an awkward moment with the waitress.  She always waits on us so she has become familiar with some of us.  I made some kind of a disparaging remark about my current wife, Sue, in the hopes it would be funny.  It feel short and the waitress overheard it and whispered something into Sue's ear.  I gave her my most indignant glare.  Her next trip to our table she came over to me and face to face, she apologized to me.  I assured her it was okay.  Silently, I noted that her tip would not be affected and hoped I could still get a drink refill.

Another series of idiosyncrasies of English for those of you who enjoy such things.

1. One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, floor!
2. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
3. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
4. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
5. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help sections?"  She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?
7. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hand with soap?
8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
9. Is there another word for synonym?

Enjoy!

Has anyone noticed that Kraft American Cheese in the 1lb. block or larger seem to be disappearing from the grocery shelves.  The space is now occupied with Velveeta.  I am sorry but Velveeta is not a substitute for American Cheese.  We use Velveeta for some things and it has its place but so does the American Cheese.  Once I noticed this, I contacted Kraft and was assured that the American Cheese blocks are still being produced.  Great, I asked a manager at Hy-Vee why they didn't carry it anymore.  Dutifully, he apologized and professed ignorance as to why they didn't have it but would find out.  Naturally, that was the last I heard of it.  I have now emailed the corporate office of Hy-Vee asking the same question.  I will have to see if anyone gets back to me.  I have noticed that Hy-Vee has been subtly making some changes to the products they are displaying.  I have noticed that Blue Bunny yogurt is no longer available, several weight watcher products have been discontinued and Hy-Vee branded products seem to be getting a larger amount of shelf space.  I have also noticed that Hy-Vee Drugtown Sunday ads will have only 3 or 4 drugstore items in the flyer. All the rest of the 60-70 ads are typical grocery items.  Shouldn't it be the other way around? Just sayin'.

I was sitting at the gym the other day waiting for my current wife.  She was in the Silver Sneakers class.  Finally, she joined me and indicated that she was ready to go.  I stood and as I was talking to one of her classmates, someone came up to me from my blind side and gave me a big kiss.  WOW!
That was cool.  Its surprises like that that makes your day.  Well, it turned out to be M, the slot lady.  She was thanking me it turns out for the blog.  Everyone that would like to express their thanks in a similar way, I will have a "Thank You Kiss Appreciation" event on Thursday from 5-7 pm.  Do I have to ask Hy-Vee if this is okay or can I just plop a folding chair down and wait for my blog fan club?

Ran across an interesting ad the other day and thought I should share with my baby boomer friends (you know who you are).

 LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:

Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband,
and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness,
fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

Hey gang, I just looked at the clock and realized that I haven't had breakfast yet. I'm still sipping semi-cold French Roast which has kept my hunger at bay.  I feel that it is now time for me to close this edition of "Drivel Over Coffee".  I have taken more of your time than I should have.  For that I am sorry.  Shoot, not really sorry, you don't have anything better to do anyway.  Thank you for your smile and have a Great Day and Better Tomorrow!  Until we next meet, TA!