“In the
United States today, we have more than our share of nattering nabobs
of negativism.” Spiro Agnew
I'm
back!!! Yep, two weeks flies when you are having ice cream. Doesn't
seem that long ago does it Drivelers? Well hang onto your fedora,
here we go.
I
woke up this morning (you may have guessed that already), rolled out
of bed, and after about 4 minutes I was able to get myself up off the
floor. I stumbled to the bathroom per the morning ritual. Before
leaving I stretched and looked in the mirror while singing “I'm
sexy and I know it”. Once
I exhaled and blood returned to my head those wonderful words of
intellectual nonsense uttered by good ole Spiro Agnew reminded me
that indeed I am a nattering nabob of negativism.
I
am not a fan of Spiro Agnew but I saw this quote above and just
couldn't resist sharing it today. There is just something about the
phrase “nattering nabobs of negativism” that I love. It
rolls off the tongue so easily. While on my timeout, I ran across a
phrase from 1684. It was “Play at Rumpscuttle &
Clapperdepouch.” Does
anyone remember what this is? Must be a game or something. Maybe like
that tailgating game they call “corn hole”. I will have to
investigate a bit.
Yesterday
I decided to make a list of projects that I have yet to complete. We
are entering one of my favorite times of the year – fall. Here is a
word of advice that I passed on to my current wife many years ago. I
think any wife, girlfriend, significant other should heed this. If
a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him
every 6 months. Works
well in our household. I have found that each project on my plate, I
make certain I purchase all of the supplies at the outsetfor
the project.
That way 8 or 9
months later when
working on the
project I am
well past the
return date
of the components. This effectively is a way of throwing my money
away using creative techniques. I surely wouldn't want to just toss
it in the waste basket. That would be just incredibly
wrong.
Growing
up in Central Iowa on a farm was great. In my elder years, I reflect
back to those times more and more. Like, I remember sleeping upstairs
in our farm house with the windows partially open. Usually a breeze
would fill the room. Many nights a rain shower with thunder would
help me drift into sleep. It was so relaxing. Today I recreate
those comforting sounds
with my IPod.
I have severe Tinnitus(a war thing). I have severe ringing in my ears
24/7. Playing these soothing sounds with crickets and frogs added
remind me of those peaceful summer nights lying in bed as a child. I
believe that is why I have become a pluviophile in
my later years.
NEWS
FLASH: I have wanted a therapy dog for a long time as a companion. It
just wasn't in the cards. My current wife was not thrilled with the
prospect of a large dog like a lab or a golden retriever under foot
all the time. Plus the complications that arise should we ever
travel. I believe we have arrived at a solution. We are opting for a
smaller dog that can travel with us. With that being said, We are in
the market for a small Boston Terrier. If anyone knows of such an
animal for sale, let me know. Definitely do not want a puppy mill
dog.
Last night, as I was lying in bed
listening to the simulated rain showers and such, I pondered the
problems of the world, and realized that at my age I don't really
give a rat's ass anymore. As this realization blossomed it occurred
that if walking is good for your health, the postman would be
immortal. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is
still fat. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years, while a
tortoise doesn't run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150
years. And you tell me to exercise?? I don't think so. Now that I'm
older here's what I've discovered:
1. I started out with nothing,
and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly
enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. I finally got my head
together, and now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being
absent-minded.
5. Funny, I don't remember being
absent-minded.
6. If all is not lost, then where
the heck is it?
7. It was a whole lot easier to
get older, than to get wiser.
8. Some days, you're the top dog;
some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck really did
stop here; I sure could use a few of them.
A friend of mine who works in a
nursing home told me about an old woman in the nursing home who
lifted her dress and shouted "supersex, supersex!" every
time she came upon an old gentleman. Finally she did this again in
front of an old man who hesitated and said finally, "I'll have
soup."
Finally,
a new, young MD
when doing his residency in OB, was quite embarrassed performing
female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously
formed a habit of whistling. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was
performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm
sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but
the song you were whistling was "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer
Wiener."
The
French Roast is all gone and the editors are at the door. They are
yelling at me to stop whistling. Go figure.
There
is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as
a public service. – TA!
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