“I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.”― George Carlin
Yes, I did survive the week as a bachelor and so far my current wife has not thrown me out upon her return. In honor of this return to normalcy, I have included one of the last emails she penned before her sojourn to Storm Lake, IA. It is a tribute to our awesomeness. Yes, those of us born between 1920 and 1970 were truly awesome. Read through this and you will agree.
No matter what our kids and the new generation think about us, WE ARE AWESOME!!! OUR Lives are LIVING PROOF!!! To Those of Us Born 1920 – 1970 At the end of this email is a quote of the month by Jay Leno. If you don't read anything else, please read what he said. “Very well stated, Mr. Leno. TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED THE 1920s,1930s, '40s, 50s, '60s and '70s!! First, we survived being born to mothers who may have smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes. Then, after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints. We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, locks on doors or cabinets, and, when we rode our bikes, we had baseball caps, not helmets, on our heads.
As infants and children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, no booster seats, no seat belts, no air bags, bald tires and sometimes no brakes. Riding in the back of a pick- up truck on a warm day was always a special treat. We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this. We ate cupcakes, white bread, real butter, and bacon. We drank Kool-Aid made with real white sugar. And we weren't overweight. WHY? Because we were always outside playing...that's why!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. -- And, we were OKAY.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride them down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Play Stations, Nintendo's and X-boxes. There were no video games, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVDs, no surround-sound or CDs, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet and no chat rooms.
WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them! We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from those accidents.
We would get spankings with wooden spoons, switches, Ping-Pong paddles, or just a bare hand, and no one would call Child Services to report abuse.
We ate worms, and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, 22 rifles for our 12th, rode horses, made up games with sticks and tennis balls, and although we were told it would happen we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them. Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that! The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law! These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors ever. The past 50 to 90 years have seen an explosion of innovation and new ideas. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.
If YOU are one of those born between 1920-1970, CONGRATULATIONS! You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for our own good. While you are at it, forward it to your kids, so they will know how brave and lucky their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors now, doesn't it?
The quote of the month by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
I have a piece of unfinished business to share with you. Last week Charles, not his real name, and I created quite a lengthy email trail the subject of which had to do with to the 4 year old 5 lb. block of Cheddar cheese he delivered. You see he called me one day the week before. It seems he was in Church, WI with his bride. At the local cheese boutique, he decided that I may be interested in purchasing a block. This led to the call and hence the purchase. After the time the cheese was delivered last Monday, my memory becomes increasingly vague. Apparently, he challenged me to eat the entire 5 lbs. by Friday before Sue got home. Not wanting to be thought of as being a wimp, I took him up. Somewhere along the line, I am told my pipes began to get clogged. Well yes, both the pipes in the house as well as my personal plumbing. We suspect 4 year old Cheddar cheese to be the culprit. From the emails I have deduced that at some point, Charles became a bit paranoid that he may be culpable with my impending death by cheese overdose. I signed some retched “hold harmless” agreement absolving him of all liability. He has no backbone at all. The fact that I am writing this proves that his fear was grossly overblown. I didn’t suffer any ill effects from eating the 5 lbs. of cheese in 5 days once my stomach was pumped and 2 pints of ducolax was pumped through my body supplemented with 2 bags of prunes. What was my prize for this accomplishment you ask? Ah, I am not a wimp am I? There you go.
Enough is enough for this day. Next week we will discuss....... Oh heck I don't know.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information: I'm doing it as a public service. – TA!
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