Trashy Tuesday 5/6/2014

“Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than standing in a garage makes you a car.” - Anonymous

Good morning Drivel friends.

Today we are hosting this Drivel writing session from my patio. I apologize for the limited seating but this was kind of a last minute deal. Come on out, looks as if the seats are all full now so please find a place to stand. What's that? Oh, by all means you can sit in the grass if you would like. On the patio table in front of the laptop is a huge coffee pot with good ole French Roast and fixin's. Please help yourself.

OK, let's get started. I am glad I wore a hooded sweatshirt today because it is a little breezy and cool. I had forgotten that it was shady this time in the morning. Well, we will get through this. I decided on the patio today because last week at the Coffeesmiths in the conference room I noticed 2 or 3 of you folks getting a little rowdy midway through our session. There was some snickering, laughing, tossing crushed up napkins back and forth. I decided to be proactive and nip that in the bud before management asked us to leave.
First on the agenda. I have included a picture of the clinic that I am checking into. When down and out, when you need some quiet time and when you need to turn yourself around, this is the place to go. Anyone want to join me? Come on now, I know several of you can use a little Hokey Pokey time.

As I often do, I was thinking back to my Iowa farming roots and my childhood. What a great time I had. We were poor dirt farmers but didn't really realize it when I was little. On Sunday's we always had a nice big farmer's lunch. Grandma and Grandpa would always be there and sometimes other relatives would join us too. Grandpa and my dad would always sit at the table after lunch was over and tell stories or argue over something. On a nice summer Sunday way back when Grandpa told us about an old friend of his. I don't remember his name now. Seems as though this old geezer had a wife that did nothing but nag. Nag, Nag, Nag all day long. The only relief he ever got was when he went out to the fields and worked. Now back in the day, farmers were still tied to horses, mules and the early tractors. Well, Gus (I will call him this since I don't remember his name) liked to plow. He used a mule to pull the plow. He liked it for two reasons, it was slow so he could plow all day and not get a whole lot done. Secondly, it kept him away from his nagging wife.

One day his wife brought lunch out to him in the field. He unhitched the mule from the plow and they went into the shade where he tied the mule up and he sat on a stump. Next thing you know his wife was laying into him again. On and on she goes. The mule got fed up and agitated and kicked in the back of her head; killing her instantly.

At the visitation a solemn affair few days later, the minister noted that women would pay their respects to Gus and he would nod. The minister also noted that when the men shook his hand, he would shake his head. Gus was consistent. The minister approached Gus when the visitation had concluded and could help but ask about what he had observed. Gus replied, “'Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement. The men wanted to know if the mule was for sale.” Gramps was always good for a joke. He was on the ornery side of things.

Have you ever wondered what happened to Preparations A through G? As long as I am on this reflection and wondering path, why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Today, May 5, 1964 on the Billboard Top are: 1. Hello, Dolly! by Louis Armstrong, 2. Do You Want to Know a Secret by the Beatles, 3. My Guy by Mary Wells, 4. Bits and Pieces by Dave Clark Five, 5. Can't Buy Me Love by the Beatles, 6.Don't Let the Rain Come Down (Crooked Little Man) by the Serendipity Singers, 7. Ronnie by the 4 Seasons, 8. Dead Man's Curve by Jan & Dean, 9. Suspicion by Terry Stafford, 10. White on White by Danny Williams.

I learned some new things about flute players last week. Jenny, the elder, played the flute for a short while in junior high school but I didn't know they were so much in demand these days. You see I was sitting with a group of guys and one of them told us a story that he swears was true. Here goes, see what you think. This story is about Ole and Henrik.

Ole was hunting geese up in the Minnesota woods. He leaned the old 16 gauge against the corner of the blind to take a leak. As luck would have it, his foolish dog Dawson knocked the gun over, it went off and Ole took most of an ounce of #4 in the groin.

Several hours later, lying in a Duluth hospital bed, he came to and there was his doctor, Henrik. "Vell Ole, I got some good news and some bad news. Da good news is dat you are going to be OK. Da damage vas local to your groin, dere was very little internal damage, and I vas able to remove all of da buckshot." "What's the bad news?", asks Ole. "The bad news is dat dere vas some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your pe***. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister, Lena." "Well, I guess that isn't too bad," says Ole. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly," Henrik says. "She's a flute player in da Minneapolis Symphony Orchestra. And because all you have is Obamacare, She's going to teach you vhere to put your fingers, so you don't pee in your eye."

I am going up north later this summer and I intend to see if I can verify this story. I have some serious doubts but my friend swears it's true. Before I loose what semblance of sanity I have left, I believe I should take my pot of French Roast and go inside. BTW. All of those people who showed up on my patio this morning have all left. Not quite the hardiest bunch of people that I have seen. Should we meet again, take care. TA!