Trashy Tuesday - 4/23/13

“Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two HEARTS and a DIAMOND. By the end, you wish you had a CLUB and SPADE.” ----- Aunty Acid

Hi Drivelers. How is your spring going? Ours is going ----WET! We have one day of partly to mostly cloudy and then a week of cloudy with on/off rain. What gives? Is Mother Nature trying to make up for last year? 

 

I decided to have a professional finish the area between my house and MS, the neighbor. We started last year but a guy we had lined up bailed out. Well, new guy is here today getting started. Kind of impressive. All sorts of equipment and noise. Noise is a good sign for construction. The best thing is that I get to sit inside instead of being outside with shovel in hand.

A blog or two ago, I told you about the “Schitt” family. If you recall they had quite a large family. What I failed to relate to you was how they influenced the English language. Now I don't want this to get unnecessarily crude so I will use “s**t” in place of the actual word. You then can use your imagination. The most powerful word in the English Language just might be “s**t”. Just think of all the concepts you can communicate with it. You can be “s**t” faced, be “s**t” out of luck, or have “s**t” for brains. With a little effort you can get your “s**t” together, find a place for your “s**t” or decide to “s**t” or get off the pot. You can smoke “s**t”, sell “s**t”, lose “s**t”, find “s**t”, forget “s**t”, and tell others to eat “s**t” and die. You can “s**t” or go blind, have a “s**t” fit or just “s**t” your life away. People can know their “s**t” while others can't tell the difference between “s**t” and shineola. On and on it goes but you can see just how powerful that word is. I'm not really certain we could live without it. Often times, I personally, just say “s**t”; not for any particular reason, it just pops out.

To change directions here a bit, let's take a look at some cute signs spotted in front of churches.

• Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game. ---- God
• C'mon over and bring the kids. ----- God
• What Part of “Thou Shalt Not...” Didn't You Understand? --- God
• We Need To Talk. --- God
• That “Love Thy Neighbor” Thing, I Meant It! --- God.

I was trying to call a friend of mine on his cell phone the other day. I had all sorts of trouble. I was using my un-smart phone. With that phone you have to ALWAYS dial 319 (our area code) before the phone number or for that matter if outside our area, a “1” plus the area code. The first attempt I got was a voice message saying “Hi, now you say something.” I left a message just because I felt like I owed them one. My next attempt wasn't much better. Also an answering machine saying “Hello, you've reached Jim & Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.” I didn't leave a message other than a chuckle. I gave up trying to call him – sent him an email instead.

My current wife, always looking at better ways to stay on top of the news each day, sent me an email titled “Maybe I'll start reading newspapers again after all...look what I'm missing.” I won't bore you with the details except to explain she had an accumulation of newspaper headlines that were not exactly the way they should be. For example:

• Diana was still alive hours before she died.
• Missippi's literacy program shows improvement.
• Lady Jacks off to hot start in conference play.
• Bugs flying around with wings are flying bugs.
• Illiteracy an abstable, study finds.
• Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25.
• Federal Agents Raid Gun Shop, Find Weapons.

And

• Marijuana issue sent to a joint committee.

Just a few headlines and informative articles that may not have been covered on the network or cable news shows. 

 

Best get this wrapped up for today. I want to give our prayers to my current wife's cousins who lost their Mom last week. It was her last aunt on her dad's side. It was nice, of course, to see all of the cousins and relatives that, sadly, we more often than not only see at such functions. I am overflowing with French Roast this morning. I had to pick up daughter #2 and take her to work. She even gave me the grand tour of her workplace. In anticipation of being gone for an extended period of time in the early morning, I filled Bubba. Bubba is my travel mug. It will keep stuff hot for 12 hours and cold for 6. I think it is about 132 ounces. Okay, maybe I exaggerate a little. Bubba likes French Roast and keeps it toasty for me. I am still sipping and have a pretty good caffeine induced high going. So for today, I sign off with the usual – TA!