Trashy Tuesday - Lady Godiva

Thank you for joining me today.  I trust you are having a great day.  Just like clockwork, Trash pickup is with us again today.  I have a confession to make to you.  Please don't think too badly of me but I DIDN'T get my trash out on time.  You are probably thinking one of two things - "who gives a #@#@#**" or "you are a hypocrite; championing the virtues of responsible waste presentation on one hand and daring the Gestapo to come down on you on the other."   Please, please excuse me.  Let me explain.  When I awaken in the morning, I have a very rigid and fixed routine regardless of the time.  I get out of bed; turn the teapot on to warm water for my French Roast in my French Press. Next, I get the paper, read it and pour the hot water into the French Press letting it brew for precisely 4 minutes and 30 seconds.  I pour the coffee, settle in to read the paper; usually takes no more than 5 minutes.  Next, we do the crossword puzzle.  I then get my second cup of French Roast and relocate to my computer room, checking email first and then checking Facebook.  When complete I get my breakfast and lastly, on Tuesday only, I take the trash out.  This is usually around 6:45 to 6:55 am.  This happens every day; no changes allowed.  Today, I awoke at 6:00 am.  My usual schedule necessarily had to be compressed quite a bit and I just didn't make it on time.  Fortunately, the Garbage Gestapo secret police were not on my street today so I got away with it.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale. 

Some good friends of mine were not so fortunate last week.  Seven o'clock came and went at their home.  They realized their oversight a while later and sprinted out; feverishly dumping trash into the containers and hauling them to the curb.  They got busted!  The Gestapo secret police were lurking and observed their tardiness.  He confronted my friends and rather sternly gave them a warning about being timely with their trash.  I feel my friends got the message, loud and clear.

After the weekend, I went to the Spa on Monday as usual.  You know Grandpaw Bailey's Fitness Center and Spa.  I almost ran into the front of the Spa because I noticed that the vacant space next to the Spa was now occupied.  I was shocked and rather confused.  I had been negotiating with the owner to expand the Spa.  I wanted the space for an indoor agility course.  We were very close to a deal, I thought.  I sat there in my BMW M3 aghast at what I saw.  A HUGE sign hung over the space, wall to wall, announcing:

Lady Godiva

Relaxation Services & On-Call Escort Services

Satisfaction Guaranteed or We Will Do Over

 OMG - I mean really!  I feel really bad.  In the spa, we have Lady Godiva massage tables.  These signs are rather discreet still I have had some negative comments from my church going clientele.  These people are going to go ballistic.  Plus the Library branch is on the other side.  There really should be a law or something.  I wouldn't want young children exposed to a business like this.  Although I'm not exactly certain what that business is.  So, I went over to confront Lady Godiva.  I ranted and raved for 15 minutes or so all the while Lady quietly shook her head one way and then another.  Finally, she calmly reminded me of the massage table naming rights agreement.  I got back to the spa about half an hour later and felt GREAT.  Lady is really amazing.  Now I am completely stress free.  Go figure.  I now have an understanding of her business. Hmmm....... maybe it's not so bad!

Sign in our front window:

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!

Must sell washer and dryer $100. 

Anyone need a washer and dryer?

Remember my current wife? Remember my leaky faucet $1500 repair?  It seems Sue, the current wife, decided that brushed nickel bathroom accessories were the "in" thing.  Guess what; our current towel racks, towel ring, light switch cover, and etc. are all bright and shiny gold.  Yep, another $100 plus in new fixtures.  Whoopee!  In the process she notices that a little plastic has been broken off one of the switches.  We need to replace those also.  I didn't even contest it.  I noticed a switch in the kitchen didn't always turn the light on.  Okay, might as well replace it and the other one at the same time.  Can you hear the cash register ringing?  I previously purchased the parts to run a new supply line to the ice maker.   We got a new refrigerator a while ago.  You may remember my problems with that.  The water dispenser would fill a glass with water in maybe 10 minutes.  The ice cubes were woefully tiny.  I got up the nerve to tackle this project on Sunday.  I got the holes cut to install a shutoff valve behind the frig. I decided that would be as far as I should go in one day.  Sunday night thru Monday morning I contemplated the final steps.  With a decision on how to proceed I began.  Everything went pretty well.  I made the decisive cut of the cooper pipe - aka point of no return.  I attempt to insert the tee junction only to find out that the guy gave me the wrong one.  Off to Menard's, get the correct one and install it.  This is a new-fangled

As I close for the day, I will leave you with some things to ponder until next time.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

And last but not least.......

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

By now you are wishing I would drink something other than French Roast aren't you? I have to go now, it is time to sweep the driveway, chase a dog back home and go for a walk/run of 2-3 miles hopefully.  Until we meet again, keep the rubber side down.  TA!