Thursdays Drivel

Hi Drivel fans.  Can't believe we are at Thursday already.  Time really flies when you are retired.

I had some very positive feedback from Trash Tuesday Drivel.  I feared I had gone a little too far but I guess not.  My neighbor, MacBlu, suggested that we should organize these volunteer groups working on rebuilding homes and let them work on our public building projects.  He reasoned that they would have been complete by now instead of just getting started.  I think he is probably right on the money on that one.

Eighteen years ago Jenny the elder and I began having lunch together on Thursday.  Each and every Thursday.  We originally would frequent a restaurant named  "The Spring House".  The only reason we would go there was because their Thursday special was a French Dip sandwich.  They had the very best French Dip sandwich in town.  Soon my employees joined us.  This turned into a ritual.  Over the years people have drifted away, changed jobs and such but Jenny and I always had our Thursday lunch.  We no longer have a favorite eatery since we are on the west side of town now.  Of course, today was lunch day.  Sue, my current wife, joined us as she does most of the time.  We met at Cici's Pizza. 

While we were driving over there, I began to think about driving amongst various types of idiotic drivers and avoiding getting wrecked.  This deep contemplation morphed into a list of driving rules which might be of interest to you.

1. NEVER drive behind a car with a handicap license or handicap placard hanging from their mirror. 100
2. NEVER drive behind anyone driving a Cadillac, Lincoln, or Chrysler. 50
3. NEVER drive behind anyone wearing a baseball cap, seed corn cap, hunting or fishing cap. 45
4. NEVER drive behind any car with caps, stuffed animals, bobble heads or other items piled in the rear window.  40
5. NEVER drive behind a cement mixer, dump truck, semi-truck or any truck pulling a trailer. 30
6. NEVER drive behind a student driver car. 75
7. NEVER drive behind cars with POW, veterans, or specialty armed forces license plates. 25
8. NEVER drive behind a minivan with tinted windows and a soccer ball, basketball, baseball and etc decal stuck in the back window.  35
9. NEVER drive behind a minivan or pickup that has the back side including the window covered with dust and dirt.  60
10. ALWAYS drive in the lane with the shortest number of cars.
11. ALWAYS hold the steering wheel with the left hand at the 10 o'clock position and the right hand resting on the horn button.
12. ALWAYS reward drivers who execute a bone-headed maneuver with a long & loud honk of the horn.
13. ALWAYS use your turn signals.
14. ALWAYS wear your seat belts.
15. DON'T leave the house unless ABSOLUTELY necessary or a matter of life or death.

As you drive along, think about some of these handy tips.  You may have a more enjoyable driving experience.  I did not come up with these tips on my own.  No, believe it or not, I did have help.  FYI - AAA has not picked these up.  In fact, they said something like "These are the dumbest rules we have ever heard of!" That was after they stopped laughing.

Now you may be asking, "Which lane do I choose if one lane has a Cadillac and the other lane has a car with the back window full of bobble heads."  On the surface this creates a conundrum.  To assist in resolving this situation, I created a weighted system by assigning a point value to items 1 through 9. In the above situation, the Cadillac has an assigned value of 50.  The car with bobble heads has a value of 40.  Now the choice is easier.  We choose the lane with the bobble headed car since it has a lower point value.  You always pick the answer with the lowest point value.

In closing, I'm certain many of you are asking yourself, "Who really cares?" Well, probably no one actually but that is why I call it Drivel.  You just never really know what the Drivel will be about from issue to issue.  Until next time, God be willing we will see on the flip side.  TA!