Thursday Drivel–Will Insanity Never End?

You know you are at your wits end when you start critiquing various aspects of a dog’s solid waste elimination effort.  It has to be the endless stream of political ads on TV, radio, the telephone calls ugh!  I have had it.  I have heard over and over these “candidates” opining the virtues of one thing or another.  Low and behold the opposition candidate professes the same thing the next day.  Like “I am fighting to keeps jobs here”.  If I have heard it once I have heard it a thousand times.  What no one can answer is that if everyone in government is fighting for the same thing, why doesn’t anything get done?  If we are all pulling for the same thing, there shouldn’t be a problem.  Oh, perhaps that is where the “rhetoric” comes in.  Rhetoric, I believe, is another word for “tell the fools what they want to hear so I get elected”.  Five more days of this – I may not survive.

Rant over – I promise.

So those of you that have joined me at your wits end, you may want to join me in the study of the art of solid waste elimination of canines.  It is rather intriguing.  It is much more complex than you would think at first blush.  Canines usually follow a set protocol.  There is sight selection.  Followed by the approach.  Next comes the pose and then elimination.  Finally, there is the post elimination celebratory dance.  Each aspect of this artful activity varies widely from breed to breed and actually from dog to dog of the same breed.  No two dogs seem to practice the same technique. 

I really started looking into this with the black pugs – Barney & Max.  Barney being the studly manly man of pugdom has chosen a very dignified upscale methodology.  Barney slowly paces along the back fence line, turns and paces back to the beginning.  This is repeated 4 or 5 times, each time quickening his pace and shortening the distance. Sight selection concludes with the rear descending downward followed by a series of circles for the approach.  Elimination is not noteworthy as one can imagine.  Post elimination celebration is classic bravado.  Barney, in his studliest pose, flails one leg at a time hurling divots of grass in the air.  It is a sight to behold. It intimidates other dogs I think.

Compare Barney’s technique with that of Max.  Max is far from studly.  Max is a curious dog who is all thumbs and extremely hyper-active.  Max knows nothing of finesse.  He is all business.  There are no rituals in sight selection.  The approach does not exist.  Max is full bore until the very last second.  In that last second, Max stops, squats and eliminates.  No fuss, no muss, no pretense.  However, Max does have a cute post elimination dance. You see, he takes 3 steps as if shot out of a cannon, stops, turns and returns to the sight to confirm what he suspected. Yep, elimination complete – off he goes as though nothing happened.

Two pugs, both black and two totally different ways performing one of natures oldest activities.  Interesting.

It really is not a pretty thing when one reaches his wits end.  I’m sorry that I put you through this.  Is there something beyond ones wits end?  Hmmm, perhaps I am about to find out!  I think I will indulge in a THIRD cup of French Roast.  TA!