Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Drivel Over Coffee #287 11/17/2015


In war, there are no unwounded soldiers. Jose Narosky

It is a great morning in the neighborhood. Hi everyone. Trash pickup today. It made it to the curb on time for the 468th time in a row. The Garbage Gestapo sent me a certificate when I hit 450. Yippee! Threw it away, of course. Today is a cloudy day, chilly and rainy. What if this is actually the best moment of your life? Wouldn't that suck? BTW – Next week's Drivel Over Coffee will be the last one for this year. I am taking an extended holiday to allow my brain to recover.

You may not have realized that yesterday was “Slap-An-Idiot Monday”. Almost missed it myself until I went to Walmart. I wouldn't have to manage my anger if people would manage their stupidity!

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Mr. Common Sense. Mr. Sense had been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such value lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't always fair. Mr. Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not kids, are in charge). His health began to rapidly deteriorate when well intentioned regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Mr. Sense declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer aspirin to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion. Finally, Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers, My Rights and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on, if not, join the majority and do nothing.

Last Wednesday was Veterans Day. I was so appreciative for all of the best wishes and thoughts extended to me. We must always be reminded that these men and women serve, get wounded, and die at the direction of their government – right or wrong. They serve without question to protect the freedoms you take for granted. Remember the words of Lee Greenwood, “And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.”

I'll be sitting here until my current wife calms down. You see she asked: “What's on the TV?” and I answered: “Dust.” It's All My Fault –

It has been a while since I have exercised on a regular basis. It is really hard to get back into the routine. I have been searching for that motivation and just can't find it. I joined a health club several years ago, spent about $400 a year. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up. The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them. Now take my grandmother for instance. She started walking 5 miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where the heck she is. Jogging is not my most favorite exercise activity. The only reason I jog is so that I can hear heavy breathing again but it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

My current wife, Sue, James (not his real name), his bride and I went out for supper last week to a restaurant that we kind of like. The service was slow for some reason. We finally received our food after a long wait. “Are you the one who took our order?” I asked. “Yes, sir,” she replied politely. “Well, I'll be darned!” I exclaimed. “You don't look a day older!”

I read a story on-line a while back. A small boy saved his friend from drowning in an icy lake. When a TV reporter asked him what made him risk his life, he innocently replied, “He was wearing my skates.”

My brother was talking to a farmer friend of his. The farmer said to my brother, “I once made a scarecrow so terrible that it frightened every single crow off the place.” “Oh, that's nothing,” my brother replied. “I once made one so terrible that the crows brought back the corn they stole the year before!”

Conan O'Brien reported, “It is rumored that the new iPhones are going to use facial recognition technology to unlock your phone. Of course, if you live in Los Angeles the iPhone will store up to six of your previous faces.”

We haven't taken a look at the Top Ten Billboard in a long time. Today in 1969 I was in Vietnam and the No. 1 song was Hey Jude by the Beatles. This was followed by Love Child (Supremes), Those Were The Days (Mary Hopkin), Magic Carpet Ride (Steppenwolf), Abraham, Martin and John (Dion), White Room (Cream), Hold Me Tight (Johnny Nash), Who's Making Love (Johnnie Taylor), Little Green Apples (O.C. Smith), and Wichita Lineman (Glen Campbell). I like the Hey Jude song. For years this song was played between the third and fourth quarters of the Hawkeye football games. It was also the No.1 hit of 1968.

Today is Unfriend day. Ever scrolled through your Facebook and realized you don’t recognize half the names popping up in your News Feed? Friend list at 1000 people and counting? Is your wall cluttered with posts you don’t care about from people you don’t remember? Are you sick and tired of all of the TV show spoilers, conceited selfies, constant game invitations and endless photo sessions of someone’s dog/baby/vacation that you are being bombarded with 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 day a year? If you’ve answered yes to at least one of these questions, then Unfriend Day is probably the perfect the holiday for you!

Comedian Jimmy Kimmel founded Unfriend Day in 2014 to combat the growing trend of social media profiles collecting ‘friends’ like Pokemon cards, amassing a ridiculous amount of ‘friends’ they barely know at all in short periods of time. Getting rid of distant acquaintances on Unfriend Day can help streamline your internet experience, allowing you to use your profiles to keep in touch with people you really care about, and preserving the true definition of ‘friend.’

Stay well, "OLD FRIEND!" We who have seen war never stop seeing it. If I can make at least one person smile, or laugh till they leak, then my day was not wasted. -TA!

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