Trashy Tuesday 2/25/2014

“There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”

Steven Wright

Tuesday again and all is well. At least in the general sense. Garbage and recyclables to the curb promptly at 6:55. Garbage on the left, recyclables on the right. Was it my imagination or did we have a near 40 degree day last week? I think it was a dream. I have scary ones like that once in a while. The weather man is getting on my nerves with his daily reminder of the number of days to Spring. It is making the days longer and longer.

Did you like the quote above? It sort of reflects my opinion of fishing in general. You can find more gems plus fishing stuff at www.wetaworm.com. Catchy name isn't it?

Does anyone know or have heard of the “Law of Logical Argument”? Somewhere in an earlier life form I ran into this law and have adopted it for the most part. The “Law of Logical Argument” is defined as Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Does that ring a bell? Maybe you just didn't know the name of it.

Saturday, with nothing to do, I dressed myself and visited the Clarion Hotel. Yep, right here in Cedar Rapids. My current wife, Sue, was at the Iowa/Wisconsin game and I needed a break from babysitting Kinnick. He was tired and needed a break from me also. Kinnick is a yellow Labrador in the finest sense. Oh, you probably wondering why I picked the Clarion Hotel. After all, Cedar Rapids has a lot of fine hotels and many other attractions. The Clarion was hosting a big fly fishing show. Those of you who know me are aware that I am not a fisherman. I have been fishing exactly twice – both times when I was a kid. The first time I was about 8 years old. I went to a fishing hole near our farm. Mom got me a kids pole for $1.99 at Ben Franklins and was really special at the time. I came home with 6” fish of some kind. Boy was I proud. I showed everyone around. Visions of becoming the greatest fisherman danced through my head all day and night. Sleep eluded me until I started counting goldfish.

My next opportunity came two summers later. We went to Denver that summer to visit my aunt and uncle. That is my grandmother and me. We took the train out and back but that is another story. My uncle took my cousin and me into the mountains to a camping site he owned. It was on a lake right at beginning of the Colorado River. A really cool adventure. We stayed overnight in a tent that had been mauled by a bear on a previous trip. The three of us rode his fishing boat out onto the lake. My first time on a lake in a boat. It was beautiful. The lake was smooth as glass, a gentle mountain fresh breeze in the air. Uncle got our poles set up with hooks, bait and bobbers. I tossed my line out and waited and waited and waited. Nothing. Then – Wham!!!! Something grabbed the hook and took off with such gusto that I was snapped out of my trance just in time to see the pole, reel and all, fly out of my hands and into the water. Stunned, a pregnant silence filled the little fishing boat. I turned around slowly only to see my uncle's face turning beet red. I swear there was a little whiff of smoke coming out his right ear. Those dreams of being the world's greatest fisherman I harbored when I was 8 came flooding back. Immediately I knew that fishing was not to be my career. In a nanosecond at age 10 I changed career paths, evaluated my odds for getting back to shore safely and quickly and saw my life flash before my eyes. What happened next has been wiped clean from my memory. I simply can not remember the rest of the time we spent with my aunt and uncle. Up to this point in my life those have been my only fishing encounters.

Well, there I was in a room filled to the ceilings with fly fishing equipment. I looked around and decided that I would like to give it a try. A nice young pretty looking thing took the time to get me all set up with a basic fly fishing outfit. Yep, got the pole, reel, line, and these fancy hooks. I let her talk me into this creel thing and awfully tall wader thingies. Why, I don't know but she assured me I needed them. Off I go with a bounce in my step that had been missing for 57 years. A sign on the door of the hotel bar caught my eye as I left. It read “PUSH – If That Doesn't Work – PULL – If That Doesn't Work – We Must Be Closed!” Made sense to me.

I got the gear home, looked it all over and tried to explain to Sue the need for all this stuff. I now am so anxious for spring to get here with warm weather, birds and bees, and insects that I am forced to practice in the house despite her objections. Her objections may have based slightly in fact as it turns out. I have been “catching” everything in the house. Yesterday, I “caught” our leather couch 8 times. I don't think she has noticed the pieces of duct tape covering the holes yet. I really need to be gone when she does. Despite my practicing, I still have don't quite have the hang of it. I just don't understand how to get the hook set in the house fly. I have a profound high regard to these fly fishermen. It takes a high degree of hand to eye coordination to get that long pole, the fishing line and that little hook they call a fly to whip out there and snag a fly as it buzzes around. I may start out going after the cicada killers when they emerge. They are much larger than a fly plus they are slower. Wish me luck with my fly fishing challenge.

Let's take a look at the “Law of Probability” now. Raise your hand if you know this one. Okay, quite a few of you who stopped in today seem to have an idea. Give it a shot Chuck. Nope – not even close. The “Law of Probability” is defined as The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Been there, done that.

The editors are beginning to lurk behind me. Makes me nervous. Are they waiting for my blog or getting ready to knock me off? Could this be the reason for my French Roast induced euphoria every time I write my blog? The editors will just have to wait a second. I want to give not only a big but a huge SHOUT-OUT to Sven's Mom. She is under the weather but by all reports is maintaining her sense of humor and spirits are high. We are sending her out best wishes and prayers as she gets better.

Okay editors, exert your will. Gulp, last sip of now cold French Roast coffee and we will catch you next week if you see fit. Til then – TA!