Trashy Tuesday 1/21/2014

 

Never tell anyone that you're writing a book, going on a diet, exercising, taking a course, or quitting smoking. They'll encourage you to death.

Lynn Johnston

 

It's Tuesday once more already. It is cold outside. It is snowy. It is winter. It is Iowa. Ugh! Born and raised here – A Native Son so to speak and it is REALLY, REALLY hard to love this state right now.

Oh, hi! How you doing today? Glad you all could show up in this weather. What did you think about the football games over the weekend? I was basically rooting for the Bronco's and the “49'ers. I got 1 out of 2 which is pretty good for me. I was really sorry to see Seattle win. The fans conduct for one thing, the gang style of football play and the guy named Sherman. What a jerk.

I went to something called the “Art of Living”. Kind of weird but thought I would put the lesson to use and see how this works. I came home from the session. I greet my current wife, lift her, and carry her around the house with a smile. To put it mildly, Sue (the current wife) is surprised and asked: did guruji preach something about being romantic today? Point of reference - guruji is the leader of this session. I said “no guruji told us that “We must carry our burden & sorrows with a smile”. Off I went to the Chiropractor for an adjustment.

Headlines in The Bemidji Daily Tribune on this day 100 years ago (in case you were wondering)

More Pay for Post Office Clerks.
Tells of Work at State Farm.
Bemidji to vote on saloon question.
City Hall Door Closed to Sims.

Bloomers are having more and more interaction with electronic gizmos. We are being so over-whelmed by information it creates mass confusion in my mind anyway. Most of use by now have a cell phone. Which is not all that great. Time was that it was nice to hop into your car and go for a drive just so nobody would bother you. Now the threat of big brother is always with us. These devices are so smart that it takes a couple of years to get used to all of the features. Many of us have just became comfortable with email and how to utilize of its nuances like filters, blind copies and etc. Now with cell phones we have something of a variant of email called text messaging. There are some limitations on the amount of text you can send at one time and stuff. The up side is that it is instantaneous. A form of shorthand has emerged saving keystrokes and allowing us to hopefully avoid accidents in our cars. You know some shorthand codes like LOL. I ran across a list of short hand abbreviations specifically for Bloomers and Seniors. Here is a list of Seniors Texting Code:

ATD: At The Doctors
BFF: Best Friend Fell
BTW: Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
GGPBL: Gotta Go Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA: Got Heartburn Again
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas
ROFLACGU: Rolling On Floor Laughing And Can't Get Up
TTYL: Talk To You Louder

I was told a story yesterday that I thought was kind of funny. When they talk about “little old lady”, I used to have an image of a shriveled up 95 year old lady. Now that little old lady is about my age and looks great. Anyway, I digress. Here goes – A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent." 

 

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week."

The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still silent... stink terribly." 

The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."

Better wrap this up for today. The editors are beginning to stir a bit. I thought in closing that I would share some facts about the human body that you may not have been unaware of. 

 

The ashes of the average cremated person weigh nine pounds.
The skeleton of an average 160-pound body weighs about 29 pounds.
By age 60, most people have lost half their taste buds.
A person who smokes a pack of cigarettes a day will (on average) lose two teeth every 10 years.
90 percent of the population has an "innie" belly button.
The average human will shed 40 pounds of skin in a lifetime.
A fingernail or toenail takes about six months to a year to grow from base to tip.
The human body has 70,000 miles of blood vessels.
The thumbnail grows the slowest. The middle nail grows the fastest.
The space between your eyebrows is called the glabella.
The surface of the human skin is 21.5 square feet (2 m²).

Okay, let's finish that French Roast and get busy. Have a good one. Living the '60's dream. TA!