Trashy Tuesday 10/15/2013

 


“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress.”

John Adams

Oh Boy, it is good to see you again. Can you believe it, it is Tuesday already. Seems like only yesterday that it was Monday. Time really flies. And, how about this weather? Can you believe it? I am in hog heaven. I love this cool weather. It is great tonic for me. The down side is it won't last. So I am plodding around completing the outside projects and preparing for the cold to come. Today I will be moving some landscape blocks that have moved on me, maybe a short bike ride, and a walk on the walking trail this afternoon. On my to-do list for some time has been clean out the filing cabinet and clean up my work bench. Neither chore is very stimulating so I have been putting them off. The bench is a disaster and has been for years. Apparently, I have adopted the philosophy of clearing the work bench every 10 years whether it needs it or not. I had better get after this one though before the cold gets here.
Lester, the HVAC guy, is trudging toward retirement. He has decided to rebuild an old John Deere tractor that was in the family. I get an update from him frequently on his struggles and the cost the rebuild. I kind of live vicariously through his stories. Some of you know I grew up on a farm in Dallas County, Iowa (often referred to as God's country). I learned how to drive a tractor when I was 8 years old. It is as clear as can be even all these years later. Farming was not particularly kind to us. It was a work of survival and a way of life. I didn't know all of that at 8. All I knew was, I wanted to drive the tractor. We had a Ford 8N tractor used for miscellaneous tasks. It was small and not very powerful. I drove it around the farm yard, learning the controls and how to get from point A to point B and how to start and most importantly stop. One day, with the two row cultivator, we headed out to the corn field to loosen the dirt and dig the weeds from around the corn. For non-farmers, corn is planted in rows like a garden. We drive down the rows and let the cultivator do its thing. The MOST important thing to remember is to drive straight. Failing this, you plow out a lot of corn. I failed! I plowed out about a 100 feet of corn in two rows. Fortunately, that was the first and last time that happened to me.
As a retiree, I thought it would be great to have one of those tractors to refurbish and put in parades and stuff. What a memory maker but I don't think it will happen for a variety of reasons. It is fun to fantasize about it though.
The Hotties on Hysteria Lane have settled into Wednesdays for their weekly meeting. Most groups have humble beginnings and eventually morph into something else. I have observed that the Hotties are in the morphing mode. What started as a Wednesday afternoon hour long gab fest with beverage and snacks, has seen a book reading added to the event. These affairs grew to an hour and half then to two hours. No big deal, just an observation. A scheduling conflict forced them to change to Wednesday evenings. That, of course, necessitated a change in the food plan. Their meetings now include an evening meal. One of the Hotties, my current wife, reports that the book they are studying now is being used by one of the ministers as a basis for his sermons which are taped. Now they, not only read, discuss and debate but watch his sermon. They are having a great time, I think. Keeps them out of the bars at least.
Speaking of the aforementioned Hottie, my current wife, sent me an email that is full of anagrams. Not certain what those are but I think you take a word, rearrange the letters to make a new word. See what you think.
“PRESBYTERIAN” becomes “BEST IN PRAYER”
“ASTRONOMER” becomes “MOON STARER”
“DESPERATION” becomes “A ROPE ENDS IT”
“THE EYES” becomes “THEY SEE”
“GEORGE BUSH” becomes “HE BUGS GORE”
“THE MORSE CODE” becomes “HERE COME DOTS”
“DORMITORY” becomes “DIRTY ROOM”
“SLOT MACHINES” becomes “CASH LOST IN ME”
“ANIMOSITY” becomes “IS NO AMITY”
“ELECTION RESULTS” becomes “LIES – LET'S RECOUNT”
“SNOOZE ALARMS” becomes “ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S”
“A DECIMAL POINT” becomes “I'M A DOT IN PLACE”
“THE EARTHQUAKES” becomes “THAT QUEER SHAKE”
“ELEVEN PLUS TWO” becomes “TWELVE PLUS ONE”
“MOTHER-IN-LAW” becomes “WOMAN HITLER”
Sue is getting excited about Halloween. Before the day, we will make several trips to Walmart and Sam's Club buying candy for the kiddies. Our church has a “Trunk n Treat” event. Basically, we decorate the trunk of our cars and put on costumes. Kids and families stop at each car for a treat. Well, this also means we have to buy stuff to look stupid in. This part isn't as hard as it sounds for me. In this vein, I ran across several things the “Seniors” need to be aware of. You may be too old to trick or treat if:
You keep knocking on your own front door.
You remove your false teeth to change your appearance.
You ask for soft high fiber candy only.
When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
People say” “Great Boris Karloff Mask,” and you're not wearing a mask.
When the door opens you yell, “Trick or …...” and you can't remember the rest.
By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
You have to carefully choose a costume that doesn't dislodge your hairpiece.
You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
You keep having to go home to use the bathroom.
I want all of you to have a great week. Thanks a lot for stopping in today. Oh, by the way, I will bring the donuts next week since no one seems to be willing.
----TA!