Trashy Tuesday 9/23/2013

“If you find yourself in a hole, STOP digging” ― Will Rogers

Hey, GOOD Morning. Sure come on in. Go ahead and pull up a chair. I'm glad you stopped by to visit this morning. Can I get you a cup of French Roast? Good, here you go. Enjoy!

So tell me what has been going on? You know I took a couple of weeks off. I didn't do much though. I got a head and chest cold and it is just lingering plus I was still recovering from the knee scope. I still don't really feel very good but I keep plodding along anyway.

Oh hey, come in and join us. Better late than never. Here's a cup of the French Roast for you. Did anyone bring donuts? I didn't think so. We have a nice gathering here today. Looks like we are all here, most of us anyway so let's get started.

I had an occasion to be downtown a couple of weeks ago. Don't go down there very often anymore. Just not much for me down there. As I walked along looking into the shops and stores, I past a Gynecologist's Office. It was new to me. The sign over the front door read “Dr. Jones, at your cervix." How cute? Right next door was a Podiatrist's office. On the window was the sign “Time wounds all heels."

Last week was doctor week it seems. These appointments kind of go in spurts. One thing I have learned is that after 60, the number of doctor appointments and ailments increase in proportion with your age – at least in my case. Shoot, I didn't take a pill until I was about 56 or 57 and still have not had a stay in the hospital. NOT ON WOOD please. So off I go to the Proctologist on Tuesday. I found the place finally. I had never been to this guy before. The sign on the door read "To expedite your visit, please back in." I thought this guy is really organized. I did as instructed and backed in. From that point on you know the routine so I won't bother with the details. I walked out feeling “refreshed”. 
 
What's that? You had to go to the eye doctor? How did that go? Not quite 20/20 and you have cataracts. Kind of goes with the age I think. He had a cute sign on his door, you say? What did it say? “If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." Ha, that is cool.
What's this Frank? Oh, I see – it is a list of Jeff Foxworthy quotes. Are you sure it was Foxworthy? You think so. Okay, I will read some of it for everyone. It is titled “THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE!”

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.' For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice. He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal. So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale, $50.' The next day someone stole it! THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE!
 
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said,"Where?" THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE! 
 
While looking at a house, my brother asked the Estate Agent which direction was north because he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" My brother explained that the sun rises in the east and has for some time. She shook her head and said: "Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff..." THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE! 
 
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car that is designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. SHE KEEPS IT IN THE CAR TRUNK! THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE! 
 
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage claim area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss. The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands. Then she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?" (I work with professionals like this.) THEY WALK AMONG US! AND THEY VOTE!

Thanks Frank for that. I couldn't agree more. Remember our discussion a few weeks back about a so-called “stupid gene”. Kind of highlights that doesn't it? I will pass along the rest of these at another time. We don't want to get too carried away. Anyone need more French Roast? Okay, let me get my current wife right on that. Hey, Sue – would you fill up these people with French Roast? What's that? I will NOT stick it where the sun doesn't shine. Okay, Okay, I'll get it.
 
There you go, drink up. OK, so I had the good fortune to sit with the Grand dogs this weekend. The pugs, Barney & Max were here Friday night through Sunday morning. The lab, Kinnick, was here for the day on Saturday. We had a good time. No, wait – they had a good time. Grandpa – not so much. Can you picture how comfortable it is to have 2 pugs sleeping in your bed? One places himself with his rear end in my armpit. Since I sleep on my side, which puts my face just above the aforementioned rear end. The other one plops down (literally) between your legs. If your legs are not apart, he lays on top of them until you do split them apart. This is really a cozy arrangement. One where you just hope they didn't eat anything that causes gas. The three of them took me for a walk on Saturday morning before the Hawkeye football game. Of course, MacBlu would just happen to drive by as I am being pulled down the street. And of course he just had to stop and give me a little grief. I could hear him chuckling as he drove down the street. Needless to say Saturday was punctuated about every 10 to 15 minutes with a round of barking and three dogs wanting to go outside to cavort with the girl dogs next door. Good grief. Max is, I believe, in love with one of them since he seems to be the one most anxious to rub noses. Alas, I survived and they were really good as far as pugs and labs go. Have I mentioned that black pugs shed? They leave trails of black hairs everywhere. I tend to wear a white t-shirt when lounging. It looks like a black t-shirt with flecks of white after a day with them. 
  
Hey, people – I have to get going. Let's finish up the coffee. Next week will someone, anyone, bring some donuts please? Glazed are great. The French Roast was ground this morning just for you. Pretty good wasn't it? I've got to go to daughter Debby's house and work on her back steps and her back door. Just some repairs that have developed since the flood of '08. I'm sure the pugs will want to help. Thanks a lot for stopping in today. I look forward to seeing you all next week for another cup of Joe and some useless chitchat. Till then ----TA!