Trashy Tuesday 2/26/2013

What one person receives without working for.... another person must work for without receiving.

Good morning Drivelers, How are we doing today? I see you are looking well, at least most of you. Fritz looks a little pekid and Fluffy is just a bit grayer. Anyway grab a cup of Fresh Roast, sit back and read on. Oh, by the way, you better buckle your seat belt because this could be a rocky ride today. 
 
Dr. Football and I were talking on Sunday. He was interested in the ocean vs. sea thing. He has been thinking about it since last Wednesday it seems. What's that? Oh, who is Dr. Football? Let me introduce you. Dr. Football is a young guy who is a friend of mine and daughter Debby the younger. Should you ever need to know ANYTHING about college football players over the last decade, he is the one to ask. He is originally from the Baltimore area of Maryland as I understand. When he was a kid, his dad would take them somewhere in the area where the Atlantic Ocean and the river in the area met. Pardon me for not remembering the exact names and places. You know I am 67 and am still learning how to be 67 so I forget some things from time to time. Anyway, he swears, with hand raised and grasping his face mask on his helmet, that he could see a distinct line of separation where river water and salt water meet. They didn't mix or over run each other. It was like black and white. Now, his question is why don't they mix together? I don't have the foggiest idea actually I don't know where Baltimore is. Anyone know? In the same thought, have you ever wondered just why we have salt water at all? Inquiring minds.... yada, yada, yada.

I mentioned Fritz as getting a little grayer. Well, Fritz is a senior member of the Silver Sneakers Group Fitness class at the gym. I would say that there is probably about a 65-35% split of females versus males. We all know that there are a myriad number of differences between the sexes. I have discovered that for the most part, the women at the gym apparently have spent a considerable amount of time getting preened for their journey to the gym. Their hair is coiffed into perky ponytails, pigtails, or alluringly hugging their head. Their makeup is immaculately applied. Oh, and their wardrobe has been chosen for maximum affect. This includes the trainers too. I know that my wife cannot just pick up and go to the gym. She must have at least 30 minutes lead time.

Now contrast that with the guys. They show up at the gym wearing almost anything. I have seen everything from slacks and designer golf shirts to “pants on the ground” and t-shirts with the sleeves cut out to guys who look like they just got out of bed 5 minutes ago. In other words, it doesn't seem that most of the guys really care how stunning they look. Don't get me wrong, they each have their agenda. Some will be decked out with the fingerless leather gloves, t-shirts with the sides cut down to the bottom, 2 day beard. It just depends on how they are trying to influence their peers. For me, I don't really care what I look like. Being vertically challenged as well as a drop out of the “Biggest Loser” it is hard for me to create a persona that exudes virility that will attract much attention from my peers. Are you in one of these groups?

I have several stories to relate to you today. The first story happened in church during the children's sermon. I don't remember who was telling me this but they swear it happened. The Pastor asked the little tykes what they knew about the resurrection. He didn't wasn't expecting too much from the little ones but thought they may remembering something from the Sunday School class that morning. Well as Art Linkletter used to say, “Kids say the darndest things.” You remember Art Linkletter don't you? Well, there was an awkward moment of silence when Jimmy, a 4 year old, pipes up and declares, “You call the doctor after 4 hours.” There was a bit of muffled chuckling in the congregation. The Pastor immediately started the children's prayer. 
 
My current wife, Sue and I were talking about that story because we both had been told about it. I thought it was kind of cute and she was aghast. Well, a benign discussion took a turn toward the adversarial side. I must admit that I was out of line but I said, “I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.” (a little sweetness with the vinegar). The current wife explained, “God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!” And that's when the fight started... Right back at me I guess but it didn't end there. Later, my current wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started.again. That night, my wife and I were watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” while we were in bed. She will kill me for sure now. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?' She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..' So I flippantly said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started... 
 
One last thing. Over the weekend, we puppy sat our 2 black pug grand dogs. Debby, the younger went to the Twin Cities. She had to stop at Ikea to get me some wonderful long shoe horns. They are just the greatest but I digress. I have explained before how Max is in love with one of the girls next to us. Per usual, when they hear the girls outside, they all of a sudden have to go out so I let them out. But this time wasn't so fun. Max was the first one back at the door which is unusual. I let him in and then notice some red spots on the patio. I look at Max and a toenail on his right paw is dangling. I pick him up and he is bleeding like crazy. I won't go into detail but we whisk him off to the emergency vet and they bandage him up and say he will be okay. Not a fun Saturday evening. On Sunday, Max is limping around anytime he thinks he will get a treat or sympathy. But when it comes to meal time, he runs as if nothing happened. He is now on the road to a successful recovery but not too certain about the Grandparents.

I must close for today because I can feel the last little bit of French Roast coursing through my veins and my blog editor is about to start preening for the gym. I hope your day goes well for you. Take a moment to think about my life motto.

“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” May the Drivel be with you. TA!